Managing Interpersonal Conflict
I believe that interpersonal conflicts are a result of two parties not willing to accept each other’s opinion. Even though there is nothing such as a ‘one size fits all’ solution, listening and understanding each other’s perspective is important to manage any interpersonal conflicts. I encountered one such incident that required me to manage interpersonal conflict between my good friend, Jasper, and I.
As both of us are already in our 20s, we started chatting about work, social life and the responsibilities that are slowly being lowered onto our shoulders. As we delve deeper into the conversation, we started discussing the topic of whether getting a degree would actually help in our future career. Jasper has just started his full-time job in a software engineering firm. He was convinced that a degree is irrelevant and not important yet as the company would provide for your further studies based on your performance. On the other hand, I strongly disagree with his point as I was brought up thinking that getting a degree is just a stepping stone to enter the working industry. Here is where the actual conflict starts. We obviously had different views on the same subject and we want to convince the other that our point is right. Jasper begins by mentioning how taking a degree would end up in a later start in career, and the starting pay between a degree holder and diploma holder is not that great, starting work four years earlier would have already made up for that plus you earn money for four years, unlike a degree, you pay for four years. At that moment, I felt confused. I agree that degree holders start work with a debt to return school and bank loans, however, I am confident that the certificate is able to land us a better position and will ensure good progress depending on our work ethics and performance.
The tension between us grew as the debate went on. I decided to compromise to the fact that many jobs do not require a degree, like events management where practical experiences count more than theoretical knowledge. We were able to ease off the tension after coming to an agreement that there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.
At the end of the day, what really caused the conflict was our lack of understanding of each other’s perspectives. If we would put ourselves on each other’s shoes, we would have come to terms with the fact that different industries have different requirements, like people, different people have different perspectives. What do you think, is the actual conflict birthed from the fact that we just want to convince the other that our path is the right choice or is it true that to get a decent start, a degree is unnecessary when we enter the working industry? Also in the above scenario, what would be a better solution than compromising even when both parties are not convinced?
As both of us are already in our 20s, we started chatting about work, social life and the responsibilities that are slowly being lowered onto our shoulders. As we delve deeper into the conversation, we started discussing the topic of whether getting a degree would actually help in our future career. Jasper has just started his full-time job in a software engineering firm. He was convinced that a degree is irrelevant and not important yet as the company would provide for your further studies based on your performance. On the other hand, I strongly disagree with his point as I was brought up thinking that getting a degree is just a stepping stone to enter the working industry. Here is where the actual conflict starts. We obviously had different views on the same subject and we want to convince the other that our point is right. Jasper begins by mentioning how taking a degree would end up in a later start in career, and the starting pay between a degree holder and diploma holder is not that great, starting work four years earlier would have already made up for that plus you earn money for four years, unlike a degree, you pay for four years. At that moment, I felt confused. I agree that degree holders start work with a debt to return school and bank loans, however, I am confident that the certificate is able to land us a better position and will ensure good progress depending on our work ethics and performance.
The tension between us grew as the debate went on. I decided to compromise to the fact that many jobs do not require a degree, like events management where practical experiences count more than theoretical knowledge. We were able to ease off the tension after coming to an agreement that there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.
At the end of the day, what really caused the conflict was our lack of understanding of each other’s perspectives. If we would put ourselves on each other’s shoes, we would have come to terms with the fact that different industries have different requirements, like people, different people have different perspectives. What do you think, is the actual conflict birthed from the fact that we just want to convince the other that our path is the right choice or is it true that to get a decent start, a degree is unnecessary when we enter the working industry? Also in the above scenario, what would be a better solution than compromising even when both parties are not convinced?
Hi darrell,
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with your solution of backing off and compromise with one another to end the conflict. I also agree of your suggestion of "put ourselves on each other's shoes". This will improve your empathy and awareness of what your friend is going through. All of this is actually to compromise to one another. This "compromise" can actually be seen from the Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument where you can actually see the different modes of conflict. I can see that from your conflict you have actually handled it pretty well. I also suggest that sometimes you need try to understand the problems and joys of the other person. This will make you feel more connected and less conflicted which could also prevent the conflict from happening. Overall, I think its normal for friends to have something to argue with and we just need know when to stop and by the end of the day, we must not dwell on to past problems and maintain a healthy relationship with one another.
Best regards,
YeE Tong
Hi Darrell,
ReplyDeleteI had such conversations before, and it is just too difficult to justify yourself. I also tend to just give up explaining myself altogether because I do not see the point of instilling my believes on someone else who does not listen to what I am saying. I ended up just subtly agreeing to what they have to say, but I still hold my stand that having a degree is important, but of course it depends on career path one is pursuing.
For example, if one needs wants to be a engineer, the minimum criteria to have a bachelor. Without it, of course it is possible, just that it will have more difficult, and generally career progression is very slow and usually the career curve would go onto a plateau and it stays stagnant. I'm not saying it is impossible but to achieve such success without a degree it really requires an individual to standout among their degree holding peers, and expect to face some risk in their career advancement. Also, having a degree allows one to study the discipline in detail and I think it is a great thing to do to strengthen the foundation that are essential to engineers. In conclusion, I think your response to the whole situation is great!
Regards,
Rachel Ang
rachelcom150.wordpress.com/
Hi Darrell,
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that I am having a similar dilemma in my thoughts. While I believe that getting an education, or more specifically, a degree is important, I can also understand the perspective of your friend. I have always been a firm believer that getting a degree alone is not the only and definite way to success. We were so used to growing up and instilled with the idea that getting a good degree will land you good success but the truth is that it requires many more skills and knowledge that cannot simply be acquired or taught in school. I feel that a person will need have to have more than just a degree to be able to stand out in this very competitive society to achieve success.
To be honest, there are no right or wrong answer to your questions as everyone will have to find their own path and finish the journey themselves. However, it cannot be denied the fact that the source of this conflict is due to contrasting ideology and values between you two. Despite your differences, I feel that you have managed your conflict in a rather sensible and mature manner in which you are willing to compromise your values to prevent the conflict to worsen which is something that I might not be able to achieve due to my stubbornness. Of course, I would have hoped that both side can step a step backward and try to understand and respect each other views but a lot of times it can be very difficult to compromise.
Best Regards,
Jonas