Evaluating listening and nonverbal behavior
I managed to observe an interesting conversation between my aunt and cousin during the new year gathering. My aunt migrated to Australia when she started working at a young age, which changed her to behave and converses more expressively and being more open-minded as a result. On the other hand, my cousin is a working adult from Singapore.
During the conversation, my aunt was the dominant party, asking most of the questions. My cousin would often reply with only one or a few words. My cousin would also try to avoid eye contact during the conversation as well and there were little to none hand movement when he was speaking. My aunt, however, was heavily engaged in her own curiosity and keep probing to find out more using very expressive and decorative communication methods accompanied with exaggerated hand gestures.
Firstly, I would evaluate that my cousin was not engrossed in the topic they were in, which is why he replied with so few words. But also according to Chinese culture, it is a form of respect to let the elder speak their mind. Staying soft spoken is usually closely related to being humble. Younger generations who speak loudly with exaggerated hand gestures in front of elders are usually deemed as ignorant or disrespectful if they are from a traditional family.
Next, the fact that my cousin was avoiding eye contact shows that he was hoping for the conversation to end as soon as possible. It is a basic courtesy to look at the opposing party when they are speaking to you. Avoiding eye contact usually means guiltiness or uninterest. If we are into the topic we will subconsciously look at the other person to feel connected.
Hand gestures is another subconscious nonverbal behaviour to express our emotions. It is commonly understood that little hand gestures mean uninterested behaviour. It can also mean nervousness, shyness and awkwardness. My aunt was adapted to western culture, speaking more open-mindedly and expressively. The difference in culture and age plays a key role in this unsuccessful conversation, leaving my cousin in an awkward situation.
During the conversation, my aunt was the dominant party, asking most of the questions. My cousin would often reply with only one or a few words. My cousin would also try to avoid eye contact during the conversation as well and there were little to none hand movement when he was speaking. My aunt, however, was heavily engaged in her own curiosity and keep probing to find out more using very expressive and decorative communication methods accompanied with exaggerated hand gestures.
Firstly, I would evaluate that my cousin was not engrossed in the topic they were in, which is why he replied with so few words. But also according to Chinese culture, it is a form of respect to let the elder speak their mind. Staying soft spoken is usually closely related to being humble. Younger generations who speak loudly with exaggerated hand gestures in front of elders are usually deemed as ignorant or disrespectful if they are from a traditional family.
Next, the fact that my cousin was avoiding eye contact shows that he was hoping for the conversation to end as soon as possible. It is a basic courtesy to look at the opposing party when they are speaking to you. Avoiding eye contact usually means guiltiness or uninterest. If we are into the topic we will subconsciously look at the other person to feel connected.
Hand gestures is another subconscious nonverbal behaviour to express our emotions. It is commonly understood that little hand gestures mean uninterested behaviour. It can also mean nervousness, shyness and awkwardness. My aunt was adapted to western culture, speaking more open-mindedly and expressively. The difference in culture and age plays a key role in this unsuccessful conversation, leaving my cousin in an awkward situation.
Hi ShiWei,
ReplyDeleteYee Tong here. Happy Chinese New Year! Interesting post about your CNY gathering! I think it fits the criteria of the assignment as you had answered all of the questions for the assignment as required. I can tell that from your post that you are focusing more on the aspect of non-verbal cue since you mention your cousin avoiding eye contact with your aunt. I agreed that age and culture differences would affect communication. I feel that your cousin might be a little bit shy as some Singaporeans are quite open-minded. Perhaps, your cousin is trying to get out of the conversation but showing it through non-verbal communication. All in all, I think that the situation will be less awkward if your cousin had involved more in active listening however your aunt should have understood the differences in culture and age to lead to a better conversation.
Best Regards,
YeeTong
Hey Shi Wei,
ReplyDeletethere is indeed a big cultural gap between the east and the west. In the west, the social hierarchy is almost non-existent, while the the east such conservative mentality is still widely practiced.
In the case of your cousin, I believe he could either really was not engrossed with the conversation, or he was just being awkward, like how I do when I meet relatives that I have not seen in ages. I do not want to be disrespectful by acting like as if they are my friends, and this is where I agree with you, it makes me appear more humble, because this will affect a flow of things:
If you are humble, you are also in a way making your parents "proud", because they would think that your parents have brought you up well, and then probably during Chinese new year they might give you a bigger Ang Bao, etc (you see the Chinese culture could be really political). Since in the west there are no Ang Bao, and people tend to be more individualistic, I guess being humble around doesn't matter, unless you genuinely are humble.
Regards,
Rachel Ang
Hi Darrell,
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting observation that you have made during your Chinese New Year gathering. In fact, I also have an aunt who has migrated to the States and I do agree with you the cultural shock between the east and the west. She is a very open and friendly person which she can engage in conversation with almost everyone during our Chinese New Year gathering. In contrast, I am a rather reserve person which I can be slow to open up when she approaches me. However, I will still show my interest in the conversation not only because she is my elder, but because I am genuinely interested in the conversation. Fortunately, I was not bombarded with loads of questions about my lives.
In the case of your aunt, she may be very friendly and curious of how was your cousins doing as she may only visit them once in a year, which was during Chinese New Year. Hence, it was understandable for her that she failed to realized the cultural differences and discomfort that may have caused to your cousin. As for you cousin, he can be uncomfortable and awkward as it is true that we rarely encounter flamboyant communication methods here in the Asian society.
In conclusion, it was a very interesting observation you have made. I personally feel that the conversation can be improved if both parties are more observant in understanding the cultural and age differences. After all, Chinese New Year is one of the rare occasion in the year where everyone will gather and talk together.
Best Regards,
Jonas